This video is an amazing video that reminds us that we should our best to avoid all the sins, especailly zina. You should do anything and everything to avoid all sins. Allah (SWT) is forgiving, but for those who constantly commit sins intentionally, be afraid. I urge everyone to watch this video, which gives a powerful reminder of what Jahannam (hell) is like.

As we expand this site on the topic of halal relationships, I wanted to bring about the problems with having a boyfriend or girlfriend, hence a pre-martial intimate relationship. We were always told by our elders that it's wrong but you will still see Muslim youth still engaging in this relationships.  The worst thing is some Muslim parents actually embrace it because it's a "modern" thing to do. When we talk about haram pre-marriage relationships, there are many degrees of it:

• 1st degree: there is no touching but "just talking" intimately 
• 2nd degree: just hugging and touching. 
• 3rd degree: deals with everything previously mentioned but with kissing, and sex.

In Surah (17): Verse 32:

And come not near to the unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a Fahishah [i.e. anything that transgresses its limits (a great sin)], and an evil way (that leads one to Hell unless Allah forgives him).

What will talk about is the 3rd degree relationship, in which there is no limits. If a person has an intimate relationship with someone before marriage, and plans to get married to that person, what guarantees that it will work out? There isn't any accept with the will of Allah (SWT).  Let's take it a step further; when we talk about intimate, we mean 3rd degree relationship. And after a while the relationship weakness and falls apart and partners go your separate ways.

Now the person, boy in this case, has several of these pre-martial relationships and then decides to get married to a particular girl he likes, and wants to get married with that girl. They talk about marriage the girl's past comes up, and he finds out that she did have a past. It bothers him because he did haram things in the past but he wants a pure girl for the children of his mother. Do you think that's fair? Why should he judge the girl for her past if his past isn't clean? And I specifically mention this antagonizing the guy because it's usually guys who have this issue. In my university I've seen guys who mess around with girls and when it comes to marriage they go back to Pakistan and marry their cousin, who never had a boyfriend. He didn't want to marry those girls they dated, because they had no respect for those girls.

Unfortunately people who engaged with multiple pre-mariatial relationships have a hard time being satisfied after they get married. These individuals are so desensitized by the opposite sex that they won't feel excited about marriage.

Why Boyfriend/Girlfriend Relationships are Bad News

Let's take another scenario and make it complex, what if two people who click with each other and they can be the best of friends and the best of couples. However, the girl messed around before she decided to be religious and get married and the guy is a virgin. When the guy finds out about her past, he breaks down and it bothers him to be around her, and he does not see her the same respectful way. This is not fair for the guy and a marriage in this scenario usually doesn't happen. When people have pre-marriage relationships then it affects potential futures. Also, nowadays, among the guys there is this antagonizing view of women without a clean past. If one guy dates a girl, but doesn't work out, then another guy who friends with him, will not want to approach that same girl, because she is "used" by his friend. You see why we shouldn't have pre-marriage relationships; it destroys opportunities for potential marriages.

Don't Talk About the Past

This one thing you should know. You should never ever tell your potential partner or spouse about your past relationship. What I mean is, it's up to you to tell your partner or not if you had a past, but don't give the details. Don't tell your spouse what you did in your past, because it will hurt your partner even if your partner had a past. After marriage, in an argument you partner may use your past against you; they may say they won't but your part will, it's human nature. Your partner's past is for Allah to know, and not for you.

Muslim brothers and sisters, there is someone for everyone. And Allah (SWT) will pair us with whoever is best  for us. If you want a pious person, then keep your self pious or go back Islam and increase your deen.  And Allah (SWT) will grant you a pious spouse.

Muslim women are plenty and unfortunately they outnumber the Muslim men so, less options. And each one of those women are looking or that special man that they can connect to so they can decide if that man is who they will spend the rest of their life with. Now the problem with all this is that the good Muslim men are not that vocal. They are the ones who are quiet and do not say much in gatherings and programs. Unfortunately they are usually the ones who are the pious ones and who will treat women right and not any sisters notices them. Usually the non-practicing or the semi-practicing Muslim brothers are the ones who are the "ladies men" type. They are vocal and they have the confidence to put themselves out there for the Muslim sisters to notice.

Good Girls Like Bad Boys

The phrase "good girls like bad boys," is true and there's a reason for that. The bad boys are the ones who have confidence which is a very attractive to the girls. These confident Muslim men are always the first ones to be taken. Confidence is what makes a man, a man. Confidence defines the masculinity in men. The number of practicing Muslim brothers with confidence are not that many. Usually confident Muslim brothers are in a professional field that requires a lot of interaction with others, such as lawyers, doctors, business executives, marketing professionals, etc.

Muslim Men Get Over It

If you are a brother and you always think if this is haram or that is haram, then please get over it. Read and follow the hadith and approach the girl with pure intentions. If you think you made a mistake then keep in mind that Allah (SWT) is merciful and ask for forgiveness. If you don't grow some balls and gain the confidence then how are you expected to be known; pardon me for the language, but it's frustrating to see the good ones without any confidence. When you approach a sister, don't be so weird or awkward, just be yourself. Don't make up things just to impress her or make small talk. The best way to approach a sister is to ask about her to her friends or family. An indirect approach brings about a comfortable setting to see if she is interested or not.

Do Your Part and Let Allah Takes Care of the Rest

The Almighty, Allah (Azza Wa Jal), is the master of our affairs, but he gave us the gift of free will. We have the option to choose and do whatever we want; however, we should do things that he permitted and things that will please him. Muslim brothers, don't be afraid of approaching a sister for marriage. Get that thought of being rejected before approaching the girl out of your head. Follow the Islamic way and gain that confidence. Do your part and make dua and let Allah (Azza Wa Jal) take care of the rest. If you approached the Muslim sister with good intentions of marrying her and to have a good Islamic life then you did your part. If it didn't work out at that time then it's ok because nothing is what it seems. Allah has ways to change things around in ways that us humans cannot even imagine. It may not happen right away, it could happen months or years down the line, only Allah knows. If it's not meant not to be then it's not meant to be. My main point is do your part and let Allah take care of the rest; if she is good for you and your religion then it will happen, if she's not good for you and your religion then it won't happen, but at least you tried.

Okay, first of all mingling in the Western sense is wrong in Islam. In the Islamic perspective, free mixing in wrong and I'm not advocating it. I'm sure we are all guilty of it even though we know it's wrong. I just wrote the title to catch your attention and if you're reading this then it worked. However, it's ok to talk to the opposite gender if you have good intentions but you should lower your gaze, especially Muslim brothers. As in Muslim brothers should not be looking at the sister below her neck. Remember brothers, the girl's eyes are above her chest, not on them. And when the sister walks away your eyes have no excuse of looking at their tushi.

Single Muslims of the opposite genders should talk to each other, because if they don't then how do you expect to find your potential spouse. Usually in universities is the best place to meet many people and many functions such as weddings, MSA gatherings, dinner parties, etc.

So you're single and waiting for that Sapno Ki Rani (dream girl) or your prince charming.  So here is the problem here, you are "waiting". Why are you waiting, I hope you are not sitting around because you are probably passing a lot of potentials by. You probably said no to a potential without realizing what you've done, but Allah (SWT) will help you find that person again if you two and your potential are meant to be. Don't be very closed up, go to functions and make yourself known. Tell your social circle that you are looking and the word will spread.

Have you made immense amount of dua to Allah? When you make dua, you have the right to make any dua you want, hence to marry anyone you want. But I strongly recommend you should make a dua to grant you what is good and a person who is good, and Allah only knows what's in the heart of the person you are interested in. Make your dua during fajr time and of course in Tahajjud prayer when Allah (SWT) is closest to Earth.

Here is a dua for guys to consider:

Rabbi innee lima anzalta ilayya min khayrin faqeerun

The translation reads "My Lord! truly, I am in need of whatever good that You bestow on me!"

For the Muslim sisters recite Surah Ad-Duha(93).

Waaldduha

Waallayli itha saja

Ma waddaAAaka rabbuka wama qala

Walalakhiratu khayrun laka mina aloola

Walasawfa yuAAteeka rabbuka fatarda

Alam yajidka yateeman faawa

Wawajadaka dallan fahada

Wawajadaka AAailan faaghna

Faamma alyateema fala taqhar

Waamma alssaila fala tanhar

Waamma biniAAmati rabbika fahaddith

The translations reads:

By the Glorious Morning Light,

And by the Night when it is still,-

Thy Guardian-Lord hath not forsaken thee, nor is He displeased.

And verily the Hereafter will be better for thee than the present.

And soon will thy Guardian-Lord give thee (that wherewith) thou shalt be well-pleased.

Did He not find thee an orphan and give thee shelter (and care)?

And He found thee wandering, and He gave thee guidance.

And He found thee in need, and made thee independent.

Therefore, treat not the orphan with harshness,

Nor repulse the petitioner (unheard);

But the bounty of the Lord - rehearse and proclaim!

Dua Source: Deen Islam

Has been months to years since you were looking for that pious Muslim mate? Have you put your biodata on CNN, Shaadi.com, CareerBuilder.com and still no results? Did the aunties poke you in weddings and say "you next" and yet they didn't find anyone for you? Don't worry there is someone for you and that person is right for you because Allah made that person for you.

Allah tells us in Surah Ar-Rum (30), Verse 21:

And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.

So Allah, our creator, promised us that we will get someone. And that individual will be the best one for us. Muslim brothers, even if you don't get your fantasy of four wives, insha'Allah you will get at least one person in this duniya if you behave. Allah mentions this in Surah Ad-Dhariyat (51), Verse 49:

And of every thing We have created pairs: That ye may receive instruction.

So brothers and sisters, you may not get the person you wanted for whatever reason, but it may be for the best, because Allah has someone better for you than who he wanted you to marry. Allah said in Surah Al-Baqarah (2), Verse 216:

Fighting is prescribed for you, and ye dislike it. But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth, and ye know not.

The following is music video of the song "For the Rest of My Life" by the Muslim singer Maher Zain. It's a nice song about Allah's blessing of a loving spouse. Enjoy!